I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
