a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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