No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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