Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
