So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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