the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
