Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
