She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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