Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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