I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Please don't give away my fajitas
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
