then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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