no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
