I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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