is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize