He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
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I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
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We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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