3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
