At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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