Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
