Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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