allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
birth control should be required to get into college
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
