I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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