That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
