You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
