She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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