And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
