You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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