i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
