Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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