Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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