so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
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I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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