I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I need to wash the frat house off of me
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
