went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
