you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
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