My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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