if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
