the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
