So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
