Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Randomize
