hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
