Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
