We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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