Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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