I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
