you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
