As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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