We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
