i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
