I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
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