I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
