What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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