hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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