Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
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