SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Randomize
