All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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