I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
