I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
