I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
