I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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