Grow some girl-balls and come out already
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
