i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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