He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Randomize
