Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
