walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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