your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
