She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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