Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
