the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
