I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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